Out houses not in houses

Beyond the outhouses what could there be even kings

Were not beyond such things. Even the cats were working towards that goal. They have already learned to dig a hole and bury it, but now the litter box came along and all the ideas about improving their own outhouses went out the window. After all they have been digging holes to bury their poop for a few hundred thousand years and we just got the idea a few hundred years ago to find a way to hide ours.

Most animals do not bury their poop they just let it go were they may.  Can you imagine a herd of 150,000 Zebras or even 10,000 camels trying to dig holes they sure have not come very far. Maybe all these stampedes you see on television is because the only safe way for these big herds is to go is to have them all go at the same time and then get the h--- out of that spot in a hurry (that’s why the stampede)

Moving to manor Place in Greenport in 1936 gave us no respite from outhouses. Of course, we had the 2 and a half whole in the backyard at Manor place. The house we moved from had the remnants of an outhouse still there, so we were familiar with what they looked like.  I guess we had to move to Manor place to find out how they worked, it seemed as soon as they got indoor plumbing we had to move. I guess we were the outcasts at the very least outhouses. The outhouse on Manor Place was usable at least for a couple more years. It would only blow over in a bad storm maybe once or twice a year.  There were 3 or 4 boards in the back missing it was right against Zipka’s fence.  I don’t know who would ok such a spot. The Zipka's yard was real narrow it was sure no more than 40 ft from our outhouse. If they wanted to sit out in the yard their major view was our backhouse or the rear view of our quaint fallen down shed. When they had a family get together and Polish people always do, they would bring chairs maybe 10 or more and sit around and have a backhouse barbeque. I never liked the beer barrel polka but it may have competion from the backhouse polka. I’m pretty sure during the day anyway you couldn’t see inside it was dark but at night you may be able to if you had a flashlight. Mom or somebody had pieces of sears catalogue stuffed in the knotholes that would spring a new one every so often. It was a good thing the outhouse would blow over as that was a chance to dig a hole next to the outhouse and flip it over, we had to have help for that and it took at least 3 adults and maybe a 8 year old kid to flip it. We used the new dirt we dug out for the outhouse to cover up the old stuff….It was a chore but we got used to it.  I think the lilac bushes helped. There were 6 outhouses on the block 3 were still in use in the early 1940s by 1945 only one was active all but one had Lilac bushes. My friend Rays grand parents had a large backhouse arbor. the best grapes you ever ate. My sister Nancy could never pass them by. I’m sure there were a few seasons we went over more than once, we sure would be sad to miss a season. The grapes were so big about the size of a quarter you could not handle more than one bunch. 

Ray’s Grandmother was a wizard before her time even though she was stone deaf she could read lips better than most people can talk. She never failed to amaze us, and we were often impressed by her amazing abilities.  Ray and I for a long time wondered a why his Grandma kept all these mayonnaise (metal) lids filledwith water. She always filled them every day they\They were  they were in every room , down stairs any way. There were also some in the area around the outhouse……  What were these used for? ……Guess. Ray’s Grandmother put them in these strategic places for the blowflies and green flies to wash there feet off before walking across your piece of pie.  If you are a fly watcher you will see them do this, I thought it was pretty sanitary of them to clean their little hands and antennas. I have seen these little dishes in several places, there never seemed to be plants in them.  Just goes to show ya live and learn. 

There were plenty outhouses still popular in the 1940’s I remember a famous outhouse in back of the Townsend Manor. We took a short cut instead of going up to the Episcopal Church and down 3 blocks to our house; there was a well-worn path from Townsend’s to the beginning of the creek. The outhouse right on the water it was a convenient stopping place. The only problem it was in the next gang’s area. You had to check for signs of life before walking past it if you noticed anything suspicious you had to go back. The gang only caught me once they made a big deal of how they were going to beat the h—out of me then throw me in the crick I was shaking in my shoes.  I had no idea how I was going to get through this one.  The only way I could think of winning a fight was one of the few fights I had with a foe that I knew I could easily defeat. He out weighed me by 40 lbs but he was in bad shape for a 15 year old kid. I said do you give up or what I have other things to do. Do you give up no…then he blew his nose all over my shirt and jacket.  (He won.) This time might be not that easy 4 against 1, but I thought why not give it a try. When the first boy grabbed my shirt I said wait a minute I feel like I have to vomit I have been sick all day and I am sorry I hate when I puke get it all over every body. Suddenly a couple of the guys looked a little green if you are ready to see this and they all backed off oh let the little sissy go we will get another chance go get out of hear.  So I got out of that one scott free.  Its funny how things work out.  The guy that blew his nose over me became a good friend we even went camping with him and he gave me his best bicycles. His name was Jack J-----.  

The demise of the outhouse gang came in an unexpected way. There was a relative of some one in the Townsend’s family. We always had the impression he was retarded in some way. A girl in my 7^th grade class mentioned him to me as a nature lover and she had a feeling he would like me. She mentioned that they just had about 50 new chickens and they were blue, red, green and yellow. I couldn’t believe that. I think the girl’s name was Margaret (Margo) anyway; we went down after school and I met him I made a big fuss over all the baby chicks and I hit it off right away with Tom. They even took me up to the house it was a couple houses from the Towns and Manor. This family even had a maid and I think a cook. They were impressed with my interests and that I got along so well with this boy…I could see he might seem that way because he was 15 and in 7^th grade but he was already 6 foot tall probably 200 lbs (I was 15 and 5ft 6 125 lbs so his size and being somewhat clumsy made him seem a little backwards but he was surly not that. I explained about the gang. He defiantly didn’t like that. Especially when it wasn’t even there property. We will change that pretty quick. Well there are 5 in there gang I can’t see what we can do I said. We let it go for a while until he came up with a plan. He showed me his plan to get rid of all of them at once.  The outhouse sat right were the land dropped off about 2 and a half feet high in the back. Tom showed me his plan without the back supports holding the out house in the back it had not long before it ended up in the creek any way. He was just going to help it along a bit by tying a rope to the last board holding it up. He was going to hide in the thick bushes about 50 ft from the outhouse. If we were lucky they would all be in the outhouse hiding. Two girls friends of Toms would pass close enough so the guys would hear them from inside the outhouse to be the bait but the gang would likely leave the girls alone and would wait for 1 or 2 kids to pass by but it was pretty slim pickins lately for most of the kids now were avoiding it altogether.  Tom was firmly ensconced in the thick brush around the outhouse along with 50 ft of rope he had removed 3 boards holding the back of the outhouse down when he pulled hard on the rope the board broke pretty easy but the results were a surprise.  Actually all 4 guys were right behind the door all the Weight was in front and in that case what happened?  The outhouse fell over forwards with the door facing down. They were trapped like rats there was no way out.  The only way out was through the s--- holes and Evan wouldn’t fit. All this time I was hiding behind the curved parking lot behind the Townsend Manor, it was about 10 ft higher than the outhouse area, there were several rowboats and a sailboat moored out there at the time.  It was hard to hear their muffled yells for at least 3 hours. The town constable went over to cut them out. One of the kid’s fathers who saw nothing wrong with what they were doing, was asked what four of them were doing in the outhouse at the same time. They couldn’t answer that question.  We never did see them again in the area, if they showed up again the owner said they would be thrown in jail and call them the s---house gang.

 After those little ditties the only real good outhouses were the ones the Scouts used in Moors Woods that were decorated by unrealistic artists.  The real fantastic artists were on the underside of the Rail Road Bridge going over the tracks in Cutchogue over Rte 25.  There were quite a few artists under that bridge, also a secret meeting place for as far back as the stone bridge existed.  They just don’t make them like they used too.

 Bill Reeves  5/2009